Feeling less isolated as a solo founder

The solo-founder path can be a lonely one. Even if you've got people, they often have a hard time understanding what you're doing (or why you're doing it).

Take this comment from @dot_michael:

Back when I had a normal job, my friends and family were so happy for me whenever I got a promotion, while I didn't care much about it. Now I am so happy that I was able to get my first few users. When I share that, there was a lot less support. $15 MMR made me sound like a loser and I always have a feeling no one wants me to succeed. So I don't even share my ups and downs to anyone anymore. It's a lonely path.

I did a little digging into what solopreneurs can do to feel less isolated and more supported while they work by themselves. Here's what I've got:

Exercise your social muscle

The first thing I'll say is that being social is a muscle that needs exercise — particularly after the last few years. It's not always easy at first, but it gets easier as you practice. Here's a fascinating post by @leowid about the vagus nerve, and how it affects loneliness.

Find community online

• IH: The most obvious place to start — we're all here, we all understand the trials and tribulations of indie hacking, and from what I've seen, we're all very supportive. Since you're here, you're doing something right.
• Digital meetups: There are lots of digital meetups happening. Check out IH meetups or head to meetup.com.
• R​​emote co-working: A surprising number of indie hackers use these. A good example is @charlierward's remote Ramen Club.
• Accountability buddies: Sounds a little kindergarten-y, I know, but I've heard it's helpful. Find someone you can report to and vice versa. One product that I know of is FocusMate and people swear by it.
• Start a newsletter: This is kind of an odd one, but since starting my newsletter, I've had a ton of people reach out to me to ask me about interesting things, discuss the newsletter, etc. and it feels like I'm building a little community. If it's in your industry (and therefore helps your business), that's ideal.
• Groups: LinkedIn Groups, Slack communities, Facebook groups, etc. can lead to meaningful connections…not usually, but they can.

Find community IRL

• Physical meetups: IH has a lot of IRL meetups happening all the time. And of course, you can see what's happening at meetup.com.
• Coffee shops: For me, getting out of the house and heading to a coffee shop is super helpful. The baristas know my name and order, and we have a friendly chat each time I see them. It's not much, but I really enjoy it. Plus, the environment (and caffeine) is conducive to deep work, at least for me. Try frequenting the same place and getting to know the staff a bit when you order (if they aren't too busy).
• Co-working space: If you've got a coworking space near you, use it. It's an added expense, yes, but it's often worth it for the camaraderie and networking opportunities IMO. When I lived in Chicago, there were a lot of great options that I explored. I like independent coworking spaces, but places like WeWork will do in a pinch.
• Hackathons: A great way to meet new developers and geek out together. Here are a few places to find them.
• Volunteer: This one’s a little different from the rest, but it might be one of the most impactful. You get to help people, meet people, and feel good about yourself. A win-win-win. And it isn't awkward because you've all got work to do (together). To find places to volunteer, check out VolunteerMatch.
• Jobs: No shame in having a job while you're indie hacking, and it can certainly make you feel less lonely. Plus you get some extra money in your pocket. The downside is obviously that you'll have less time to work on your project.
• Chamber of Commerce: Here's a cool one for folks in the US — get involved with your local Chamber of Commerce. I think I might try this. Here's how to join.
• Groups: When I moved to town, I started a men's group. I just put it out in the local bulletin and a group of 8 guys came together. We've been meeting twice a month for over 2 years now, and it has been super helpful. My wife sings with a group of women every week, even though she doesn't consider herself a good singer. Start and join local groups and see what happens.
• Classes: Could be classes about code and business… or could be cooking, art, you name it. It's a great way to meet people.
• Bootcamps and incubators: These are great ways to meet like-minded people.
• Networking events: These made the list for obvious reasons. If I'm being honest, I've been to plenty and they're not my cup of tea. There are other types of events that tend to have a bigger impact IMO.
• Bring-a-friend parties: I'm not much of a party-thrower, but this one is pretty interesting. Invite friends/acquaintances to go out, and everyone brings a friend.
• Speed-friending and happy hours: Never done it, but they exist. Could be worth a shot.
• Gyms and exercise groups: I have a friend who joined trail-running group and loved it. Gyms can be little communities too. And exercise itself can make a person more productive to boot.

A few tips to beat loneliness

• Try random acts of kindness: You probably won't get to know anyone doing this, but in my experience, you'll somehow feel less lonely.
• Take advantage of your flexibility: Indie hackers tend to have much more flexible schedules than most folks. Make the most of it. Meet up when others can meet up. Go to that mid-afternoon class, etc.
• Focus on relationships: Obviously, spending time with friends and family is huge. Share your journey with them even if they don't understand it — how else can they learn about it? Rekindling old friendships can be helpful too (and it's pretty low-hanging fruit). You could also get a furry friend — they're great for company and dogs are particularly good at meeting new people.

How to get friend-zoned

If I go too deep into how to make friends, this'll get real cheesy, real quick. But I personally have had plenty of acquaintances who could have been friends and I didn't know how to make the transition… So yeah, I looked up how to get out of the acquaintance zone into the friend zone…

• Schedule a hangout: Preferably with an activity and/or other people to make it less awkward. Try to invite them to something that's already happening so it's more of a friendly invite than a date.
• Make it regular: Once you've hung out, try to get something regular in the books. Depending on your shared interest, it could be a regular workout, regular work session, regular cup of tea, etc.
• Show up reliably: Even when you just want to sit at home.
• Don't be needy.
• Be a friend: Show your support.
• Share your quirks and interests.
• Open up.

Obviously, the first step is easier said than done. It feels weird. But you've just gotta bite the bullet.

How to feel lonely

• Spend lots of time on social media: IMO it's one of the quickest routes to loneliness. But that's just me.

Wrapping up

The last thing I'll say is that while digging around on IH to learn more from other indie hackers on the topic, I saw a huge number of folks saying how lonely this path can be. You are not alone.

I hope some of these options serve as inspiration. Let me know what I missed!

The Boot's Trap 🪤

Learn from indie hackers who are in the thick of it

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