Listen this is a weird article for me to write. It’s a, “Look how cool all my friends are so I must be cool too post.” Not ideal. However, I had a call the other day in our and someone posed this question:
“You seem to have built a pretty incredible network, that might be better leverage than money, how do you do it?”
Whether that is flattery (worked!) or not aside, it made me ponder how do you get invited to the theoretical “cool kids table” as an adult? The table where big companies are built, incredible authors write, creators play, lawmakers reside, and power players arm wrestle. It’s a question worth asking and an answer worth seeking.
My first answer will always be, do whatever you can to get in the room. Go to the conferences, and join the groups who are working towards what you’re seeking.
Today in 10 Minutes < We’ll Cover:
- A Framework: The Friend Flywheel
- History Is For The Friend Group Taking
- My Process for Collecting Humans
Friend Flywheel: The Power of Relationship Mafias
I was talking to one of my friends Sam Parr (he sold his business the Hustle to Hubspot for a pretty penny) about his success. I pontificated that he and Shaan Puri, Noah Kagan, Andrew Wilkinson etc etc had a sort of next-gen tech guy mafia. It was brilliant actually. A group of individuals all promoting each other’s new ventures, investing in them, sharing ideas, and creating together. As one added zero’s to his bank account so too did the others, as one added followers to his Twitter, so too did the others.
A friend flywheel.
They were hypemen for one another.
And that hype created a wheel that turned faster and faster for each of them as another friend had success velocity was reached not by the individual alone, but by the group.
There’s a magic that happens when a friend of yours gets published let’s say. They then introduce you to the publisher. Then you get a book deal. Then you get on Good Morning America, so you introduce the producer to your other friend. Then you get on a big podcast and tell them they should have your friend on. Then you get a big investor and you mention your friend also is looking for funding.
The new 19th hole is not at a country club or in the halls of Universities, it’s in the 5 humans you surround yourself with.
Also – maybe I should work on my art skills… eh?
If you look through the lens of time a small focused group of humans can change history, and in fact, they often do.
The Paypal Mafia
Arguably one of the most powerful friend groups in modern history. These individuals now control some of the largest companies in the world after all meeting at the crossroads of Paypal.
The Lost Generation: Gertrude Steins 1920’s Salons
The eccentric writer held sway in her salon with names like Henri Matisse, Ernest Hemingway, Sinclair Lewis, Ezra Pound, Henri Matisse, Pablo Picasso, and F. Scott Fitzgerald. They were dubbed the Lost Generation by Stein and together created some of the most prolific works of their generation. Were they there because they were great? Or did they become great by being there?
Hemingway and others in the Lost Generation in Paris.
The Federalist Society
A group formed in 1982 under Ronald Reagan to usher in the next generation of conservative ideas in the legal realm. The society slowly expanded to include Supreme Court Justices, Senators, to University Presidents.
The OG Podcasters
Now, this is one I made up but I think you could include Tim Ferris, Lewis Howes, Tom Bilyeu, James Altucher, and maybe Jay Shetty into this mix too. Just Google any combination of those names and you’ll see innumerable connections and cross-promotions. Growing alone is infinitely harder than growing together.
Ripples Matter.
I went to try to create an infographic of all the laws the Federalist Society members had passed, I got to 300 and gave up. I went to grab all the works of art created by the Lost Generation I gave up after trying to just even include Hemingways & F. Scott Fitzgeralds. I went to try to find all the interactions between the OG Podcasters but stopped after 10 videos on YT just between Ferris & Bilyeu. Ripples matter.
That confirmed for me that this one skill is perhaps more important than any of the things I share about investing and accumulating wealth, finding your people, and cultivating them. Because the truth is there is no such thing as a guru, I still am wrong constantly and have no idea what I am doing just as often. BUT – I know how to find someone who does, and how to have that person help me.
I call it collecting humans :).
Collecting Humans
That just might be a superpower. Here’s my process as it stands for making your network not only incredibly fun but ROI.
Collecting Humans Commandments
#1 Shut up and ask more questions
If you haven’t read ‘How to Win Friends & Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie put this blog down and go learn at the feet of the master. If you have maybe a re-read?
Do you know why mirrors were put into elevators? My friend Alex Hormozi told me they were inserted because riders were annoyed about the length of the ride. But insert a mirror and what happens? We stare at ourselves, fix our hair, put on lipstick, and forget about the ride.
That is how you should think about conversations, everyone else is just waiting for the doors to open (aka your mouth to shut) and their chance to talk (get off the elevator). Let them tell you more, and they’ll find you more intriguing.
#2 Before You Find Interesting People → Be Interesting
That said, boring is a curse. Alex and I were talking about how we decide when to take a meeting, when to take a phone call, or even respond to a text. His response was, “I give zero fucks, I just don’t respond.” He said if someone pressed him he’ll say “I think you take more than you give.” You certainly don’t want to be a taker but even more than that I said, “If you bore me, I’m out.” Look at the humans in the friend flywheels above, they were builders, creators, and thinkers. You are too, you just need to lean into it. Then share it with the world.
#3 Prep = Personal
Flattery will literally, get you everywhere. But rather than vapid flattery, why not get genuinely curious? I love to research humans before I meet them. When I first met Shaan Puri and harassed him to get on one of my live calls he said, “Wow, you’ve done your homework on me.” When I first engaged with my former CIA friend I knew he had in fact done his homework on me. It impressed me. Give the gift of your curiosity to a human, and they’ll feel it.
#4 Bring a Bag of Tricks
You meet at a party, what do you ask?
- “Hi, I’m Codie – I write and invest for a living. What do you do?”
- “Where are you from?”
- “How do you know so and so?”
Horrifically underwhelming wouldn’t you say? It sounds odd but I like to write down interesting questions that spur conversations in my Evernote. And when I’m grabbing a drink I’ll review them. I am incredibly prone to boredom with small talk and that selfish trait led me to wonder, “How could every interaction be intriguing?” Some of my favorites:
- What are you reading lately that has blown your mind or changed your perspective?
- What’s the most interesting project you’re working on right now? Why?
- I’m interested in xxx lately, what do you know about that subject?
- I’m interested in xx lately, here’s an idea I have what do you think about that?
#5 Do Less, but When You Do It, Do It Better
Too often relationships are surface-level because we overstretch ourselves. I’d rather have 10 dimes than 100 pennies. Choose your parties wisely in other words. If you are going to create, be interesting, do your homework, you simply can’t do that with everyone. You’ll have to choose who your crew is and it’s probably fewer people than you currently think.
#6 Nurture Don’t Just Hunt
Candidly, I’m terrible at nurturing relationships. I am always working, rarely party planning, and very seldom will you find me proactively scheduling dinner reservations. Thankfully, I have a better half who is the opposite of my anti-social behavior. He’s always exploring and bringing others along with him. If you don’t get invited to the parties, throw them. Magic happens.
#7 Conference, Salons, Events
If your inbox is not filled with fascinating engagements and humans pining to get to know you (mine either), you have to go find them. How many conferences or events do you attend a year that are not with your immediate friends? For me, it’s 10-30 a year. Before I spoke at them I paid for at least 10 events a year. If you truly want incredible relationships make sure your words match your actions. The differential will probably surprise you.
Go forth and find your humans,
Codie
The Think for Yourself Section:
Go & See It: The most persuasive, jaw-dropping and horrifying argument I’ve seen against what is happening in San Francisco.
Packy’s essay on Ownership & the American Dream talks about not wealth inequality but hiding opportunity in the guise of non-ownership.
Down Round – WTF happens when the stock market tanks and startups raised too much, well said by Prof G.
There are three elements to wealth, think of them like legs on a tripod. If you don’t have one, you lean on the others. Those three are the keys.
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A Sidenote: Sponsorships Are A Weird Privilege.
At CT and in everything we do I always try to think about the second and third-order effects. If we do this, what will happen downstream of it? A big reason why we sell products as our main revenue source is that then I am in alignment with YOU the reader. If you don’t like our stuff, you won’t buy it, and thus we are incentivized to always want to create stuff that’ll benefit you and you’ll love.
This month we added our very first paid sponsorships. It’s something I have thought very long and very hard about. So much so that we didn’t do a single one for 2 years, and we didn’t even sell a single product for the first year.
I wanted it to be value value value. But I am a capitalist. I believe in the value of letting our customers show us how much they value our creation, aka pay us. So as we add this next revenue line to our business (still weird to me that sharing our ideas is a business!) I wanted to tell you how we choose sponsors and why. Because the only thing that really matters to us is all of you, our readers. A wise man (my father) said, “A reputation is the only thing you can’t get back.” We hold that line. No money, no influence, no fame, no arm twisting, can make me create or partner with those I don’t believe in. Will we be wrong? Yes. Will we do partnerships just for the money? Nope. I’d rather have a small, incredibly fun, value-aligned biz than a billion-dollar behemoth. Ok – enough virtue signaling here’s our formula in case it interests you.
Sponsorships are only done when I believe in a company and I confirm that:
- I would invest in the company if they let me.
- I use the sponsored product and love it.
- I would write about the company even if they weren’t paying us.
- I think y’all will actually thank me for putting them on your radar.
Usually, the smell test goes, am I so stoked about this company that I: 1) try to meet the founder 2) try to tell them to let us invest 3) can’t shut up about using their product or wanting to try it. This means we only do 1 out of every 10 partnerships that come our way.
To all those companies we say no to, I’m sorry. I’m sure I’m wrong and you’ll live to say I told you so. To the ones I choose you all better not let me down or make me look like an idiot. 😉
Most importantly, to all of you Contrarians… Thank you. You’ve made my life so beautiful it’s hard to contemplate. I treasure getting to sneak into your inbox each week and your social media each day. It’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly. Your attention, it’s the most precious gift you could give anyone. I hope I am up to the challenge of being worth those minutes of your life. I hope I don’t ever let you down. But if I do know that every day I spend more time thinking about you than just about anything else.
