I forgot how to enjoy life

I've been there (and sometimes still struggle with it).

I really encourage you to carve out time to reflect on what your true values are. It took me a long time to realize that I was unhealthy chasing after success as it was defined by others and not myself.

Success is different for everyone. I've found that for me it is all about living a life aligned with my values.

My values:

1. Nurture relationships with people I enjoy and respect
2. Take good care of myself, physically and mentally
3. Create and build things that I am proud of

Ways I achieve this:

• Individual therapy - this has helped me so much I can't emphasize it enough. Do note, it can take a few therapists to find a good fit, you don't need to settle for the first one. Think of it as dating.
• Journaling and meditation - this has helped me become a lot more aware of what I feel, think, and ultimately want. Without these, my mind sprints around too quickly and I often default to avoiding processing any difficult emotional feelings/thoughts
• Opening up to supportive friends/family - it's easy to feel shame and hide these feelings from others because our society makes us to hyper-aware of how we are coming across to others. But for me, hearing others share personal struggles only makes me respect them more and also feel a lot closer to them.

Anyways, I wish you the best. Remember that indie hacking is really f!cking hard, so be kind to yourself and don't forget to look back and be proud of how far you have already come!

I know a lot of rich people who don't have to work anymore. Most of them are focused on basic activities.

Nurturing good relationships. Staying healthy. Having an impact on the world, even if it's just the people in their immediate surroundings or local community. Travel. Hobbies. Entertainment. Food. The little things that everyone can do, money or not.

The challenge is, it's super boring when seen from the outside. There's nothing about being good at any of the above that makes you uniquely spectacular or high-status as a human being. These aren't things you do to stand out or brag about on Twitter. They're things you do for your own internal happiness.

I think it helps to pick just one or two things in life to be competitive about, to chase success or status or widespread approval. And then just let everything else be for you.

This post hits home very close.
A book I can recommend here is "4000 weeks" (forgot that authors name, but it's a bestseller so you'll easily find it).
One of the main points is: you'll die... no matter what. And you don't have time to achieve only a fraction of what you want to achieve. The book also describes how to gain happiness from this rather dark insight.
One point I found also highly interesting: We as humans should once in a while do something without thinking about it in terms of productivity.
Go for a walk - without trying to get fit. Just walk. Read something - not to learn something, just to read. And don't block time for leisure - this is contractory, but if you block time for leisure, it's simply another task to do. You need to find a way to simply do things for the purpose of nothing....
Long story short, I encourage you to read the book, it does a better job in describing the points than I do.

I've dealt with a variation of this problem for much of my adult life: on a given day, I would use all my willpower working myself to the bone, then by evening, willpower depleted, I would default uselessly to the lowest-hanging fruit recreation available to me, which usually consisted of scrolling social media, auto-watching YouTube, or perhaps playing video games. So I technically had hobbies, but they were unsatisfying.

I've fixed this recently by being a lot more intentional about my recreation. In fact I've created an actual personal project called "Conscious Recreation," through which I've carefully considered the kinds of hobbies I want to spend time on and made plans about how to block time for these hobbies as I block time for "work."

I have one good news and one bad news.

The good news is: this problem is as old as the world (well, humans). It has nothing to do with your current situation, which also means that you can do something about it.

The bad news is: it's basically ingrained in our biology, and only your mind can do something about it. And we all know how hard it is to fight instincts and habits.

Your never-ending pursuit has been given a name: hedonic treadmill, also known as hedonic adaptation.

Long before that term was coined, philosophers talked about how you have to learn to want what you have.
Now see how strong your wants perspire in your note, down to your very last paragraph.

We wish we'd stop coughing but we never pause to enjoy breathing painlessly.
We dislike being hungry and yet we swallow fast food instead of enjoying each bite.
We want to have arrived and are blind to the journey.

Try wanting something you have right now. Force yourself to enjoy the little things. Meditate to learn to be present in the moment. Read about stoicism. Do things for their own sake and not for what they'll bring you (doesn't mean there can't be a nice bonus).

It's all happening in your head.

I lost my best friend 2 weeks ago.

He was the opposite of you and me.

He died at 33 and enjoyed life more than most of us ever will.

His death opened my eyes.

The apple I'm eating, the flower I'm looking at, the smile my wife is giving me...

Every moment became important, much more important than the money/status game.

Don't build tomorrow at the cost of today.

In your case, I'd travel to a country where people live with much less than our countries.

You'll be surprised how kind & happy people are even though they have 2 months of savings.

You need to take some real time off. Like a weekend of a full week. Out of your home. Go outside, and take a walk/hike.

It occurred to me as well, having sometimes "panic attacks" for not working. So I forced myself to go outside, and take some time off. Every time I did that, I came back more productive and I thought "I should do this more often!".

There's a lot of pressure,
being a startup founder.

You have to be constantly hustling,
and it's easy to forget to take care of yourself.

But if you don't take care of yourself,
you won't be able to take care of your business.

So make sure to take some time for yourself,
every day.

Go for a walk, or a run,
and clear your head.

Eat healthy, and get enough sleep.

And when things get tough,
remember to breathe.

You can do this.

I agree that balance is so key. It’s pretty easy to keep pushing yourself to keep working endlessly, but it’s super important to establish a balance in your life. You’ll be better at your career and it will be more sustainable.

For me, I balance all the work I do during the week by socializing with my friends and family on the weekend. I don’t really allow myself to work on Saturdays, so I can give my mind and body a rest.

Plus at the end of the day, relationships are the most important part of our lives. You always have to make time for the people who make life worth living.

"I don't even know what to do with myself these days when I have a few hours to myself. I just feel a compulsion to be "productive.""

This was shocking to read because I'm in this point right now. Sadly I need to say that my personal goal in the last few weeks has been NOT to work on weekends.

Now, I'm trying to plan my weekends full of fun plans, family time, talk to friends, read, exercise, sleep and have a list of interesting movies to watch.

@thisisthenexttry34 let me know your process. I think we can help each other in this stage.

Most of the time, I too feel the pressure of constantly having to be productive. Additionally, I really enjoy my work because it closely aligns with my interests. Basically, I can pursue my hobbies at work. However, this easily becomes a deadly combination resulting in overdoing it until everything just feels washed-out.

By this time, I'm convinced the amount of fun and passion is limited for every aspect in life and we don't want to get to the point where everything gets too much. Let's be conscious with ourselves and let batteries recharge!

Thank you for writing this article. I can definitely relate to most of the points you mentioned. Working endlessly on passion projects even during the weekends. Neglecting relationship building. Then that's the thing when you are so passionate and love what you are doing, you stop giving importance to other things.

I am definitely gonna start dating again and make time for my social life.

Some of these things will never get solved through journaling and mindfulness. Not long term because the heart yearns to live more wild and free.

Sometimes it's our environment that is sucking the marrow out of life. Because our environment (pace, tone, ethos, associations) always wins in the end.

For me, it was living in a big city. Traffic. Noise. The rat race.

I wanted to live on vacation.

Our family asked - why not us? It took 2 years of careful planning and saying goodbye to Denver. That was 9 years ago. We now live on a mountain, overlooking the most beautiful lake I can imagine.

A family member told me that we were lucky. But luck has nothing to do with it.

We simply demanded that this Indie life pay better dividends.

Do what you can where you are, but sometimes life sucks where you are and you just need to reinvent.

Plus, planning your escape is a lot of fun!

Take time to relax and do things that bring you joy. Don't overwork yourself on weekends. Go ahead and congratulate yourself on even minor accomplishments. Make someone pleased by surprising them. Do some vocational work that you think you're good at and that works as a stress reliever when there's a lot of work to be done. Reading literature and listening to music that lifts your spirits is a good idea. In your spare time, such as weekends, get out and explore your city. Exercise on a regular basis.

Sometimes it feels like our constant thinking about our goals brings them closer. Like it shows devotion. But in fact, is it the amount of thoughts or their quality?

The mind loses its sharpness when it's overused. It becomes blurred. In other words, giving ourselves a pause to enjoy simple things is crucial for the quality of our thinking. When this fact is realized, it becomes much easier to just sit and enjoy your being.

Don't worry, you're not alone.

My advice: make a habit of doing what you like. This might sound obvious, but create time in your calendar for these activities, and don't shy away from them when the time comes. Actually go and do them. It takes effort at the beginning, especially if you're thinking of work whilst doing them. That's harder, but does get easier with age.

One regret I have is that I promised myself a reward when I get an A when I was in college. When I did get that A, I didn't reward myself. It just went downhill from that point on and life didn't really mean much. So do reward yourself a little. Maybe not quit job completely but do something to make you a little bit happier

There are great points brought up by others around cultivating a healthy balance and finding purpose. But I just want to point out that honestly, it could be worse. These days it feels like a large percentage of the population has no real hobbies outside of watching TV and/or browsing the internet/social networks.

You shouldn't necessarily compare yourself to others, but it can be helpful to see where you sit on the spectrum of productivity, and while you may be on the high side to the point that you should back off a bit and find some balance, at least you aren't struggling on the low side, either.

The other aspect to pay attention to is how you're being productive. You haven't said what your attitude toward your work is, whether you love it, hate it, or somewhere in between. But if your natural state is to always be hustling, finding a way to turn at least part of that time into a hustle that you genuinely enjoy may be a way to hack your brain into not being worried about wasting time while still spending some enjoyable time. However take or leave this, you seem to potentially be talking about pure unplugged zone out time, which I think there is also a place for and you may need to train yourself to recognize that as self-care time that you need to maintain your edge, same as you would for fitness and healthy eating.

I feel the same! Is it so bad? Should always have a balance some time to relax and have fun. Should organize your life so you have time doing other things.

I think you will love the chat I had with Anthony Castrio. He is a digital nomad but when he talked he was actually living in New York. He seemed to have such a chill and nice approach to life and work balance. Really inspiring!

I used to go through this too when I was younger. I was so driven and motivated that I didn't go on dates.

Really. If I had the chance to go on a date with a beautiful woman or code on my side projects I always choose the latter.

I don't regret these decisions, but now that I'm in my early 30's I'm realizing that I don't have the love part of my life figured out yet. We all make sacrifices, and I've made a sacrifice as well.

What you need to think about is if you are ok with the sacrifices you are making. If your not, sacrifice something else.

People who are successful musicians often give up everything to succeed, even if that means not going to college or having a stable job. But they think its worth it. If you don't, then thats ok. Just consider the tradeoffs.